What Speed Should I Be Getting On My Broadband Line ?

ISPs hand out broadband connections in bits-per-second speeds. But when you download a video or a torrent, that size is measured in Bytes-per-second. Speed vs Size. It turns out that this makes a huge difference and confuses a lot of folks. Even science majors.

A Byte is essentially made up of 8 bits. Usually we use a lowercase "b" for bits and uppercase "B" to indicate Bytes.

If you have a 8Mbps connection from your ISP (PTCL for example), they should be giving you 8000 bits-per-second (or 8Mbps). But how much speed in Bytes should you theoretically get on this line ?.

Here's the math:

8 bits = 1 Byte 
1 Byte = 1/8 bit ~ 0.125 ~ 12.5% 

So to convert 8Mbps into KBps: 

 8000 Mbps = (1/8 of 8000) = (12.5% of 8000) KBps = (0.125 x 8000) KBps = 1000 KBps 

For a 4Mbps into KBps the math would be:  

4000 Mbps = (1/8 of 4000) = (12.5% of 4000) KBps = (0,125 x 4000) KBps = 500 KBps 


(Note: This is the theoretical limit of your broadband connection. If you are getting more than this speed, you are just a lucky SOB)

But most of the time, you will not get your maximum, theoretical speed. Because bandwidth is susceptible to "line losses", just like electricity and natural gas. A leakage on a connection, a leakage in your filter, etc. But ISPs should take that into account and adjust your speed accordingly.

Hope this helps you out.

How To Change Search Engines In FVD Speed Dial To Google

Speed Dial (FVD) is a FireFox addon. Though it provides a number of useless and redundant features, the most helpful (to me) is the aesthetic. It provides a wallpaper and a search bar, every time you open a New Tab in your browser, instead of an antiseptic white blank page.

But there is a bug in it. Instead of my favourite search bar Google, it strong-arms either Yahoo or some other lame search engine for you. The work-around, although simple, is tedious and hard to remember. So being a good Samaritan, I provide it here. Chiefly for myself and on the off-chance, for those of you who might be in need of it.

For FireFox:

Navigate on your Windows desktop to:

C:\users\<Your Computer Name>/AppData\Roaming\Mozilla\Firefox\Profiles\u5p9yvq0.default-1441216605477\extensions\pavel.sherbakov@gmail.com\chrome\content\include\

Here you will see a javascript file named "speed_dial.js". Open it with Wordpad. Find "parent.document.location" in it (it's line 5262 btw). Replace this line:

parent.document.location = "http://flashvideodownloader.org/addon_search/?q="+encodeURIComponent(searchText)+"&from="+key;

With. . . 

parent.document.location = "http://www.google.com/search?q="+encodeURIComponent(searchText);

Taking care not to disturb any "{" or other code therein. Duh. Save the file, exit. Now re-start Firefox and voilla! you now have Google as you default search engine on your FVD Speed Dial. Adios Muchachos!

Tales From The Dark Side - Survivor's Accounts

"PRRRrrrrr!...". Did you hear that ?. That, is the sound of impending doom. Your doom.

What opened the memory flood-gates was a tweet by GuGu, who wrote about her terrifying experience in the dark.

When I was a child, during our summer vacations, we would sometimes get to visit our relatives in the interior. As one born and raised in the urban jungle, I relished the sharp contrasts. Open areas, close-knit community, people looking out for each other and lots of kids my age. But there was one thing that was a huge sticking point. The bathroom. More specifically, the commode. They had the desi variety, which we call 'khuddi'. Basically, a porcelain tub sunk into the ground which you have to squat-n-straddle, like a damn trapeze artist, while doing your business.

A real nightmare scenario, if your squatting powers last for less than 2 seconds a go. (FYI, after two seconds, this kid too fell back on his ass)

But that wasn't the half of it. Oh no. The much bigger threat were (let's call them) Amos & Andy. Two of the biggest, baddest flying cockroaches you've ever seen. Veterans of many wars. They would remain hidden under the curve of the porcelain, until you were doing your impression of an East European acrobat.

At first there would appear, only a single long, hairy, menacing tentacle. It would snake around for awhile, after which a head would sneak a peek. After making sure the prey was in a compromised position, would it wiggle out from underneath and start strutting around, with it's two ginormous hairy tentacles twitching about. Looking back on it, these things basically lived on crap. No wonder they behaved like a couple of crackheads.

Now if you could only spot Andy below, you knew you could expect a grand entrance from Amos any second. And sure enough, what do you see near the roshandaan, but Amos. Slithering silently for the kill. Without any prior notice, the wings would open-up from the sides and with a loud "PRRRrrr!" sound it would descend on you, buzzing and screeching, in ever widening circular arcs.

You usually had nothing to defend yourself with, other than a lota, which you knew you needed more. With one hand you are maintaining balance, the other for shoo'ing away Amos and with SONAR you are trying to confuse Andy, if not impel him to retreat. Sometimes Amos would buzz your head, or top of your ear. Sometimes you'd think you got him, when he would appear triumphantly from your top pocket and fly away.

Amos & Andy have acquired legendary status over the years. Younger cousins swear they are still there. Two of them. Same wash room. Same modus operandi.

The closest analogy I can give is... imagine being attacked by Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds from above. Steven Spielberg's Jaws from below, while you are carrying out Mission Impossible tasks of Tom Cruise.

Yeah, we had some childhood, man. These days... these punks... with their PS3 games and iPhones...you-know-what-I-mean. Hell, they got nothing on us.

The Halal Debate: From Neutral To Kosher In 3 Seconds

Can a Muslim entertain meat in the Christian world ?. I have read the fatwas of the renowned muftis on this topic and frankly, they are not very convincing. Their desperate efforts to raise doubts, conjuring-up vague associations and rigging together unsubstantiated suppositions, leads me to believe that good intentions, over time, have ballooned into needlessly burdensome rituals.

I will present my case for it. It certainly isn't the last word on the subject. Let us lay out the facts first. Most scholars cite these two verses from the Quran. I will cite the relevant ayats.

In the chronological order of their revelation:

Surah Al An'am[6:121]:
"And do not eat of that upon which the name of Allah has not been mentioned, for indeed, it is grave disobedience".

Surah Al Ma'idah [5:5]:

"This day [all] good foods have been made lawful, and the food of those who were given the Scripture is lawful for you and your food is lawful for them. And [lawful in marriage are] chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you".

Then we have the oft-quoted hadith narrated by Hazrat Ayesha(RZT):

Some people said, "O Allah's Apostle! meat is brought to us by some people and we are not sure whether the name of Allah has been mentioned on it or not (at the time of slaughtering the animals)." Allah's Apostle said (to them), "Mention the name of Allah [Bismillah] and eat it."
[Sahi Bukhari #1935.]

There are three basic variables in the halal argument. (1) What meat is it ? (2) Who prepared it ? (3) How was it prepared ? (4) If you are unsure, what to do ?.

The sort and condition of permissable meats are clearly enunciated in Surah Al Ma'idah [5:3]. Any meat which falls into the permissable category, prepared by draining the blood by Ahl-e-Kitaab (People of the Books) is lawful for Muslims and vice versa. Unless, during preparations the Ahl-e-Kitab (or Muslim) was sitting in the back, going "Satan! Satan!" on each chicken, goat or cattle he was carving. That would of course, make it non-kosher. But what if this guy was listening to his iPod and thinking of his date that night, while slaughtering these animals ?.

That, would make it neutral meat, or fill-in-the-blanks meat.

What do you do with that meat on your table ?. It is the right meat, handled the right way, by the right guy, only it has yet to be labeled. This is probably the most common predicament, when sitting down to eat meat in the west. That's where we apply the lesson from the hadith above. You say "Bismillah" and that neutral meat becomes kosher meat. Ready to eat.

Of course, this does not absolve you of taking all precautions and avoiding eating in places where you are sure that they are cooking porky-the-pig, right besides the hamburger you ordered. Just like you don't go back to the KFC where the big black chick was digging boogers out of her nose at the fryer. It's just common sense and hygiene. Minimize risk as much you can. To your body and your soul.

And if you are one of the faithfuls who just cannot bring him/herself to enjoy meats outside of their zabeeha-ordained homes, then more power to you. I am just too weak for that kind of monastic discipline and self-denial, when clear and simple instructions (OK, rationalizations) are available.

And let's not forget the other ayats from Surah Al An'am [6:118-6:119]:

"So eat of that [meat] upon which the name of Allah has been mentioned, if you are believers in His verses. And why should you not eat of that upon which the name of Allah has been mentioned while He has explained in detail to you what He has forbidden you, excepting that to which you are compelled. And indeed do many lead [others] astray through their [own] inclinations without knowledge. Indeed, your Lord - He is most knowing of the transgressors".

You are not making me one of the transgressors.

Movie Review: "Bridesmaids" (2011) ... Wedding Triggers

Bridesmaids (2011) - Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Jill Clayburgh




I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside ?


Annie Walker (Kristen Wiig) A thirty-something gal is startled and forced to take stock of her life when her childhood best friend Lilian (Maya Rudolph) announces her engagement. Suddenly the dead-end job, mountain of debt, dysfunctional relationship and a ticking biological clock which she had all managed on her best friend's shoulder, would no longer be available to her. She was moving on, while Annie's teetering life was in free fall.


Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day


And if things weren't hectic enough in her life, she is handed the responsibility to be the Maid of Honor. Now she has to throw the bridal shower, the bachelorette party and arrange a ton of other stuff which she has never done and is clearly out of her depth. But she soldiers on, as a faithful friend, doing the best she can. Kristen Wiig balances the angst, apprehension and mixed-feelings with great thespian discipline.

Unfortunately, the stunningly beautiful, polished and disarmingly evil Helen (Rose Byrne), one of the bridesmaids is jealous of Annie's important role in the wedding and she makes sure that Annie falls on her face at every opportunity. Through a series of hilarious misadventures, Helen succeeds in getting rid of Annie as the Maid of Honor.


You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind ?


Annie gets fired from her job, gets thrown out of her apartment, her car breaks down and If things weren't bad enough, her best friend is now also mad at her. While she is having a "pity party" for herself at home, another of the bridesmaids, Megan (Meliissa McCarthy) comes-a-knocking as "life" and literally slaps (and bites!) Annie out of despair and self-pity. "You are your worst problem and you are the solution", Megan tells Annie. She has to break away the self-destructive bonds, the self-constructed fears of an uncertain future and realize the purpose of her life. Start respecting herself and carve a future of her own choosing, instead of waiting for life to happen to her. It's a great message, packed cleverly in humor instead of a sermon, which ordinarily one would have tuned out.


I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free from the chains
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on


When Wilson Phillips released this song ("Hold On") in 1990, I didn't have the proper context to fully appreciate the poignancy of the lyrics. But when the real band shows up at the end of the movie to sing this song, all the bits and pieces of the movie fall into place and make sense. You suddenly have 5-6 quickfire epiphanies. "Oh! so that's what.. yeah OK, and that too, cool".

In this respect this movie cannot, in good taste, be equated with director Paul Feig's prior cheesy and juvenile ventures. This is a well-acted movie. Just watch Kristen Wiig's eyes in the movie. There is a whole layer of story that plays out there. She plays the part of the vulnerable single gal so well, that I had to stop the movie several times in between, because you feel overwhelmed about her situation.

This is also a witty and intelligent movie that doesn't feel obligated to spell out each sexual innuendo. There are references to just about every sexual act in there, but you'll never hear it alluded to, directly. Always couched in metaphors and euphemisms. Only the really dull will have problems figuring them out. I confess I didn't get one. "I am not going to get his Monkey Lamps". Anybody know what that is ?. Make me humble... if you can.

This is a movie that can be watched over and over again and will not get old, because of the 'real life' script, direction (love how Kristen Wiig sneaks out of bed in the morning to put on her makeup and then slides back in, posing and acting all innocent and demure for her dickhead boyfriend) and superb acting all around, that makes otherwise cheesy scenarios, into memorable laugh-fests.

The cast, made up mostly of veteran Saturday Night Live members, have made a real movie this time around, instead of a series of sketches under Lorne Michaels.If you want to have a good time, go see Bridesmaids. Here are some scenes that I didn't find online.





{This movie and review were made possible by @kaifoom who in her 'infinite wisdom' recommended it.}



Kristen Wiig

Rose Byrne

Movie Review: "Unknown (2011)" ... Grandpa In Trouble!

Unknown (2011) - Liam Nesson, Diane Kruger (5/10)





In real life we are often limited to sitting back and taking it. Even the rich and powerful have to sit in gridlock traffic and wait in queues. We can't go around crashing cars through malls, breaking down locked doors and punching any guy in the face who irritates us. That's what Hollywood action stars are for. They provide us the vicarious thrills that otherwise elude the common man. If we do it, we would likely be sitting in a wheelchair, talking through a computer with the side of our face.

So it is a great disappointment when you go into an action movie ---expecting a take charge kinda guy who subverts the evil designs of the villain and reigns supreme--- to be met with a perpetually haggard, over-the-hill, pitiful, lumbering giant who asks his leading lady to do the heavy lifting for him, "Please! help me!" cries Liam Neeson to Diane Kruger. Every time he struggles to move across the screen, you fear he will either dislocate a joint or break his damn hip.

Liam Neeson is involved in a traffic accident abroad (Berlin) and has selective amnesia. He develops gaps in his memory. So when he tries to reconnect with his wife, she feigns any knowledge of him and presents a duplicate husband, who shares his name. That rightly upsets him and he goes about to establish his identity.

And that's where the movie takes a nose dive.

Instead of taking hold of the reins and manipulating events, this guy is a like a castaway on a raft, in the middle of the ocean. Events happen to him. People throw him around. Even young girls slap this grandpa, and he takes it all, lumbering from one disgrace to another. If there was one word to describe him here, it would be "Wimp".



The lovely Diane Kruger is the real hero(ine) of this movie. She saves his ass, time and again, or else our hero would either be at the bottom of a river, or an OD statistic in a parking lot. Wish they had given her the top billing. After all, she did do all the heavy lifting, literally.

There was another Unknown (2006) starring Greg Kinnear that has far better plot, suspense and twists than this unfortunate offering. This movie will just irritate Liam Neeson fans, who have watched his earlier stuff like Taken (2008) and The A-Team (2010), where despite his advanced years (60), he doesn't look it. Here, he looks like a befuddled, senile grandpa, trying to put moves on a girl who's half his age and... twice as fast.

Maybe they should re-release it with the title, "Catch Me If You Can".

A 'Tail' Of 2 Multanis, 2000 Years Apart

I was taken aback when I heard it. It was a BBC special being shown on National Geographic. Some Brit reporter tracing the route of conquests of Alexander The Great through the Sub-Continent, which is now Pakistan and India.




When Alexander came upon the walled and fortified city of Multan (then the capitol of the Trigarta Kingdom), he ordered his army to scale the walls. But whoever tried, met with stiff resistance from the locals and perished.



So Alexander ordered a ladder to be put up against the wall and he climbed-up himself. As he reached the top and started fighting, a poison arrow struck him between the ribs and pierced his lung. He collapsed and fell back to the ground. There the Multanis pounded on his helmet, his breastplate till the mighty warrior was left cowering against the wall. That was the turning point of his campaign. His wound got infected. He went into shock and his army retreated through the white deserts of Balochistan (Makran today), where he is said to have lost the majority of his men to thirst and hunger.

BaRay beyabro ho kar teray kochay sey hum niklay

This is what the Multani ancestors of Syed Yousuf Raza Gillani did to the superpower of their time, armed with bows and arrows. And look at this Multani today. He probably needs a change of diaper, about now.



John Kerry came swinging down from WA, like Tarzan on a vine. In one blow, he kicked the joint resolution of the parliament onto the trash heap, which was trumpeted out at 2:00AM in the morning after a closed door session that continued for 11 hours straight. The collective will of the people, in the hands of cowards and opportunists, lays waste.



Not only that, Kerry ordered our nincompoop leadership (civilian+military) to hand over the tail section of the stealth chopper that hides the secrets of America's latest technology. This chopper stalled and fell into the Abbottabad compound and was supposedly blown-up by the Seal team. I guess they didn't do such a hot job, since they were in a hurry to get out.



And would you believe it, these bey-ghairat, boot-polishing chamcheys have acquiesced on bended knee ?. Yes, we are not going to study it and make sure we are not taken-in-by-stealth the second time around. No, we can't be bothered to safe-guard our national interests. Kerry will be taking it away with him, to turn around and send it back to attack us, another day. Pehlay aik chamaat, phir doosri chamaat. The cycle-of-capitulations continues.

Will PML-N make any hue and cry about this ?, of course not. All Pakistani leadership (minus Imran Khan) has stored their nest eggs in western capitols. They may be corrupt, spineless, shameless, incompetent, but not stupid enough to do that!.

Hum hain na, to rant and rail against the "Bahadur Shah Zafar"s of our time.

Here is the second leg of Alexander's retreat out of today's Pakistan. At least this is less embarrassing.